*Loveee

mmm, this is REAL nice.
corinne all you had to do is say the WORD.
;)

--Live Life With Compassion :-*

Changee Thingss Uppp

I've been following tons of blogs and on my social networking pages my website is a link to...
my blogspot.
Since this blog is no longer as private as I intended for it to be..
and I don't like the extreme security measures...extremely public to extremely private..lol

Private matters will be dealt with through conversation. I've never been big on opening up to people, but whenever I do, it truly feels amazing.

Soooo....

I'm not going to delete my blog, because it holds memories.
But I will definitely change the tempo.

Where am I going to take it?
-Probably just general thoughts and ideals.
-Events in my life

It can be like my personal reality blog!!
lol..

Just keep checking in on the page & see what I truly end up doing with it.

But in the meantimeeee..
Live Life With Compassion :D!

Evaluating Situations With Your Heart

"I'm trying to find my peace
I was made to believe there's something wrong with me
And it hurts my heart
Lord have mercy ain't it plain to see"

-Janelle Monae

I internalize this verse from Janelle to mean something a little bit different from her intentions in "Cold War." It speaks to me... Often I am ostracized for being compassionate and sympathetic. Some people hint that I shouldn't care as much or advise that I detach myself from emotions sometimes, and I truly thought I was this rare entity with the capacity to evaluate situations with my heart, but other times I couldn't understand why certain solutions weren't obvious to people.

*EDIT*
I wanted to go on a tangent with this post, but I no longer have the energy to deal with this topic. I got the joy of discussing the issue with my father and my friend Tierra. I was able to receive honest feedback and I had some great conversations regarding how to deal with situations in a proper manner. I've come to the conclusion... aka I still believe that all manners can be dealt with appropriately if you evaluate the situation with your heart. When you try to simply think of solutions instead of truly feeling, its evident why you end up .. fucking up.

Both of my conversations boiled down to:
Regardless of how uneasy, uncomfortable, nervous, or unskilled you THINK you are, you rise to the challenge of being there for your significant other, not because it is easy, but because you OWE it to the person you love. Your strength for your partner is unconditional, its not just talked about when times are good, but they are actions demonstrated when times are bad.

Anything thing else is unacceptable.

- Sub-conscience -
I'm not going to tell him anything regarding his relationship, and I'm not going to dwell on my issue any longer.
*You have to love your partner when they are right and when they are wrong.
End of story.
So that chapter is closed, and nothing in the future should be reminiscent of it.

--I think that was still a tangent. lol

*Live Life With Compassion <3

A Bag I Wish I Didn't Have To Pack

He's being transported to Washington by Wednesday.
I'll be flying out tomorrow.
The Army will fund the tickets and the hotel room for a month.
I'm not sure how long I'll stay.

They say he's accepted his injuries.
But he'll need plenty of mental and physical therapy before he is alright.
25 years going on 26, far too young...
The lost of a leg and an eye.
his life has been irreversibly changed,
*sigh*
I just hope it isn't killing him inside.

I know he'll be able to recover and through his therapies he can hopefully resume some of the day to day things we all take for granted.


I understand he truly is a hero,
but I've never been a fan of Russian Roulette.
Three times to war ...
First two times he was blessed to come home untouched...
*sigh*

My head is spinning as I write this.
But I need all of my emotions handled before I get on that plane.

I'm here Marcus,
not just being there as a little sis,
but as your strength, I have to help you be well mentally.
The doctors and the therapy will tend to your body.
I'll be there to help restore your energy,
to help give you some smiles, any sense of hope
and all of my love.

Mommy, Raheem and I are on our way.
We love you,
Keep your spirits up big bro!

Love You,
Silese.

Heartbroken

I'm so hurt.
You are my world and this never should have happened to you.
I'm so grateful that you are alive or I would have hated my birthday weekend for the rest of my life.
I've never been this sad before in my life.
I just wish I had someone in my corner to tell me that you'll be okay.
Someone to comfort me and make sure I'm sleeping well at night.
But the thing is I've been crying myself to sleep every night since the bombing.
I'm so pissed at everyone around me for not making it better,
but the truth is, that no one could ever make it better.
I just have to deal with the fact that for the first time in my life my heart is truly shattered.
Our and your family feel like Mommy & Liz are the only ones who need strength...
but I've ALWAYS been without support and this is when I need it the most.
I cant express how torn up I've been, I've been an emotional wreck.
I can't look at your pictures, and I chant so hard for you,
but I break down every time I'm in front of my Gohonzon...
I don't have the strength...
But I need to have it, I need to be strong for you.
Oh, I have such gruesome images in my head, I do anything in the world to make you better, to reverse everything.
I can't even breathe as I'm writing this.

Marcus you are my world and I love you so much.
I'm so sorry this happened. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve it.

I promise when I see you Wednesday,
I will be sooo strong, I won't let you see me hurting.
I know it will hurt you to see me devastated so I will be so strong for you.
I love you Marcus.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.