Amel Larrieux - "Make Me Whole"

I've had this song for forever but recently I've had it on repeat..non stop...continuously for months. I just love Amel so much, ah! she's the greatest :)

& Of course the song makes me think of my lovely Sweetpeaa <3

I Love You Baby

12. 27. 09

Live Life With Compassion :)

Love Like Whirlwinds- Chapter One

As promised, Here is the first chapter of Love Like Whirlwinds... 


premier amant-

Zeal is what drew me to her
a fun-loving, comical, lively being she was.
Laughter & playfulness kept our alliance strong
we were allies in a forbidden love
we pioneered into my first official bond with a woman.
She was my wife and I was hers.
Passion for each other bloomed,
To abstain from the sensation of pure contentment…
was simply beyond the bounds of possibility.
It was truly the perfect young love.


...But in reality our relationship was just a façade
my yearning for romantic admiration was disacknowledged.
She didn’t have the capacity to reciprocate the devotion.
Our situation became catastrophic…
and then began the destruction.
…admiration, communication, recognition
were all distant.
Why would she deprive our relationship of key ingredients…nutrients?
It was a deficiency my heart could not endure.
How could she deprive our relationship?

She was fucking around.

…a fling, an affair..no
polygamist relations with two women & a penis!
& then had the audacity to attack me, incriminating me of fortification!

She inflicted so much pain
resentment, revenge…I despised her unfaithful ass!
The disproportionate amount of time I gave her was all in vain
my world shattered
my heart was sacrificed & for what?
Incentive was demolished
as was the tainted alliance, connection and friendship
all completely destroyed

As I attempted to recover from devastation
I was hit with some news I never could have imagined
She had gotten a vice…a virus
I chant gratefulness everyday that it wasn’t passed on to me.
soon her situation was publicly rumored
nothing more than karma, destined to be
yet in her mind she could only find one culprit...

to me she came bitterly
wanting to fight
place hands, brawl, go into combat
she wanted to engage in the very act I despised the most.
with me…the very soul who had loved her more than her own
mother, father or brother ever did and would.

her treatment..how she continued to deal with me
was malicious and ill hearted
the effects were extremely detrimental
I had become hallow,
disenchanted by the thought of love

I refused to ever let anyone commit the same infraction.
I refused to let anyone love me
I refused to love again… 


When I wrote this it took soooo much out of me. My first girlfriend did some serious damage...but I've grown so much from that relationship & I'm grateful for her, she showed me exactly what I NEVERR wanted to run into again. I hope life is treating her well and I hope she has changed.


*Enjoyed Chapter One? Good. :)
Until next timee...
Live Life with Compassion :)(:

Some Ol Bull

Searching through my cellular device I found this poem. I'm not sure if I still needed to finish it or if my phone deleted it, but sadly it seems to be incomplete. This is NOT a good poem, its just some ol bullshit. I wrote it one angry night..its in regards to a touch-me-not I once knew. I was told that I was not allowed to give this individual head, dome, BECKY :-P! Why not?...Because she's a butch -_-
Smh...Here it goes...


**Edit** My brother Chamara brought something to my attention.
Contrary to popular belief, this poem is NOT about my current partner. She may have sparked the writing of this, but the content comes from past relationships of touch-me-not's and aggression built up. So, GET IT RIGHT!


Dominance.
I'm a butch
so you aren't allowed to indulge in the enjoyments of a lesbian.
You're too much of a man to allow your love honey to trickle down your thighs.
But I'm supposed to be posted up...legs in a "v" while you pump me until my necture has you full.
What about my hunger...my desires?
I yearn to finger love you into a shattering quiver,
where your thighs are spasing against my neck,
your "Ah's" are fast, sporatic, you fell yourself cumming in an explosion of extasty...
Then you pull my hand up like "nahhh, I don't get down like that!"
YOU DON'T GET DOWN LIKE THAT?!?
Perhaps you missed the part where I was a lesssbbbiannn, you are a woman...MY woman and I want to enjoy your sweet tastes.
For you to neglect me is pure ignorance.
You butch, dom, ag, dyke...I don't care how far down ya jeans sag, or how much ya fitted is tilted to the side...
when you come out them clothes...there stands a lovely feminine silloutte...


:) I think I became too angry to finish my raging phone note...Lmao.
But, I just wanted to get that off my phone. I repeat, this is some ol bullshitttt. lmao.


*I'll post a poem that I am in love with... Love Like Worldwinds , my 4 chapter release of emotions dealing with my four ex-girlfriends.
But until then...


*Live life with compassion :)

Introduction

(^^^The only decent picture on my girlfriends computer. SMH)

I've been wanting a page to blog random thoughts and ideas on... I might even go far enough in saying I need an outlet, somewhere to vent. Shit, I haven't had a journal since i was around 10-11 years old. But, Buddha knows I did NOT have anything constructive to say back then...but it would be so interesting to read writings from that age...who knows what madness I was going through, I wonder what was heaviest on my mind...I wonder who was having the strongest impact on my life, what were my priorities? Yikes. I'd probably be extremely alarmed and disgusted in who I was. All childhood memories are gone, and what I do remember...I wish I could forget. But, damn I'm curious.

Butttt, I digress. Simply, I need somewhere to be random, happy, disappointed, vexed...etc. & I also want a way to remember what happens in my life...seeing how my memory is, well, non-existent. Hopefully when I look back on my years of blogging, I be proud of what I see, hopefully I can see my growth, see my problems so they can be rectified...you catch my drift.

A glimpse into the life of Golden Murray:

a- Aamir, Amaya, Amari & the newborn are always on my mind. I hope I can see them soon, I want them to know their auntie loves them.

b- Buddhism is keeping me on track, more than anything else in my life ever has. *Chanting is my strength.

c- Cruel and malicious acts across the world make my skin crawl, I cannot understand why there is such evil in this world. It often saddens me.

d- Daddy, you are such a touchy topic. You have potential...theres TONS I could complain about. But the mere fact that you love me unconditionally, I know you mean well & Unlike most..you have been there for me. I just hope you don't allow your hung ups to outweigh the good.

e-East Stroudsburg was a hard step for me, in ways I'm grateful for leaving Jersey. I just never should have been without my family.

f- family is a touchy topic. I only have my fathers side, but mostly my cousins side. Ie. - Cherise, Sherene, Tiffany, Auntie Donna. I'm aware others are there, but their impact on my life is not.

g- God. & Religion has also been interesting to me. I've always looked for loop holes, and I always wanted to learn of different religions. Nothing compares to Nichiren Buddhism.

h- Happiness is coming to me easier than it ever has before. Funny thing is people feel distant from me...& maybe the was the cure.

i- I love myself. I'm not sure where I got this self-esteem from...but I love who I am and I could NEVER change anything. wellllll, maybe my attitude. he he..I'm a bit fiesty.

j- Just think positive.

k- Kitty cats are AMAZING. But my birdie Jada will always have my heart :)

l- love can be defined in countless ways...how would you define love? I love some amazing people. When it comes to romantic love, I've only had one. [12.27.09] love is you.

m- Marcus, big brotherrr :) man I love you, we aren't as close as we could be, but I'll never forget the days you took care of me, I'll never forget all you did for me, I'll never forget when you were my hero.

o-opportunities always come, I always miss them...

p- peace throughout the world. kosen-rufu :)

q- queer queer queer GOLDIEEE :D

r- Real, Genuine, Loyal individuals are endangered. I like to think of myself as one.

s- Sex in a bottle is what they call me...wow...how I've evolved from the tomboy I once was.

t- time. which way is the wisest to spend it, which moment would I want to relive, who was a waste of time. Don't take it for granted.

u- You are beautiful. Don't let A N Y O N E tell you different. Allow nobody to bring you down.

v- I have a word in mind...but it would make me a dirt ball.

w-word, poems, lyrics, songs, expression...is beautiful.

x- null.

y- Why weren't you there Mommy?

z- Zaina, I'll be much better than Cynthia ever was. Promise.

Whew* Finished :)

Well until next time...

Live life with compassion <3