Introduction

(^^^The only decent picture on my girlfriends computer. SMH)

I've been wanting a page to blog random thoughts and ideas on... I might even go far enough in saying I need an outlet, somewhere to vent. Shit, I haven't had a journal since i was around 10-11 years old. But, Buddha knows I did NOT have anything constructive to say back then...but it would be so interesting to read writings from that age...who knows what madness I was going through, I wonder what was heaviest on my mind...I wonder who was having the strongest impact on my life, what were my priorities? Yikes. I'd probably be extremely alarmed and disgusted in who I was. All childhood memories are gone, and what I do remember...I wish I could forget. But, damn I'm curious.

Butttt, I digress. Simply, I need somewhere to be random, happy, disappointed, vexed...etc. & I also want a way to remember what happens in my life...seeing how my memory is, well, non-existent. Hopefully when I look back on my years of blogging, I be proud of what I see, hopefully I can see my growth, see my problems so they can be rectified...you catch my drift.

A glimpse into the life of Golden Murray:

a- Aamir, Amaya, Amari & the newborn are always on my mind. I hope I can see them soon, I want them to know their auntie loves them.

b- Buddhism is keeping me on track, more than anything else in my life ever has. *Chanting is my strength.

c- Cruel and malicious acts across the world make my skin crawl, I cannot understand why there is such evil in this world. It often saddens me.

d- Daddy, you are such a touchy topic. You have potential...theres TONS I could complain about. But the mere fact that you love me unconditionally, I know you mean well & Unlike most..you have been there for me. I just hope you don't allow your hung ups to outweigh the good.

e-East Stroudsburg was a hard step for me, in ways I'm grateful for leaving Jersey. I just never should have been without my family.

f- family is a touchy topic. I only have my fathers side, but mostly my cousins side. Ie. - Cherise, Sherene, Tiffany, Auntie Donna. I'm aware others are there, but their impact on my life is not.

g- God. & Religion has also been interesting to me. I've always looked for loop holes, and I always wanted to learn of different religions. Nothing compares to Nichiren Buddhism.

h- Happiness is coming to me easier than it ever has before. Funny thing is people feel distant from me...& maybe the was the cure.

i- I love myself. I'm not sure where I got this self-esteem from...but I love who I am and I could NEVER change anything. wellllll, maybe my attitude. he he..I'm a bit fiesty.

j- Just think positive.

k- Kitty cats are AMAZING. But my birdie Jada will always have my heart :)

l- love can be defined in countless ways...how would you define love? I love some amazing people. When it comes to romantic love, I've only had one. [12.27.09] love is you.

m- Marcus, big brotherrr :) man I love you, we aren't as close as we could be, but I'll never forget the days you took care of me, I'll never forget all you did for me, I'll never forget when you were my hero.

o-opportunities always come, I always miss them...

p- peace throughout the world. kosen-rufu :)

q- queer queer queer GOLDIEEE :D

r- Real, Genuine, Loyal individuals are endangered. I like to think of myself as one.

s- Sex in a bottle is what they call me...wow...how I've evolved from the tomboy I once was.

t- time. which way is the wisest to spend it, which moment would I want to relive, who was a waste of time. Don't take it for granted.

u- You are beautiful. Don't let A N Y O N E tell you different. Allow nobody to bring you down.

v- I have a word in mind...but it would make me a dirt ball.

w-word, poems, lyrics, songs, expression...is beautiful.

x- null.

y- Why weren't you there Mommy?

z- Zaina, I'll be much better than Cynthia ever was. Promise.

Whew* Finished :)

Well until next time...

Live life with compassion <3