Heartbroken

I'm so hurt.
You are my world and this never should have happened to you.
I'm so grateful that you are alive or I would have hated my birthday weekend for the rest of my life.
I've never been this sad before in my life.
I just wish I had someone in my corner to tell me that you'll be okay.
Someone to comfort me and make sure I'm sleeping well at night.
But the thing is I've been crying myself to sleep every night since the bombing.
I'm so pissed at everyone around me for not making it better,
but the truth is, that no one could ever make it better.
I just have to deal with the fact that for the first time in my life my heart is truly shattered.
Our and your family feel like Mommy & Liz are the only ones who need strength...
but I've ALWAYS been without support and this is when I need it the most.
I cant express how torn up I've been, I've been an emotional wreck.
I can't look at your pictures, and I chant so hard for you,
but I break down every time I'm in front of my Gohonzon...
I don't have the strength...
But I need to have it, I need to be strong for you.
Oh, I have such gruesome images in my head, I do anything in the world to make you better, to reverse everything.
I can't even breathe as I'm writing this.

Marcus you are my world and I love you so much.
I'm so sorry this happened. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve it.

I promise when I see you Wednesday,
I will be sooo strong, I won't let you see me hurting.
I know it will hurt you to see me devastated so I will be so strong for you.
I love you Marcus.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.